Parenting can be a beautiful adventure filled with sacrifices and challenges, but in the end, most parents would agree these hardships are well worth it and a valuable part of their journey as parents. That said, some don’t quite feel that way, and while this opinion is rarely heard, we often see this attitude manifest itself in destructive behaviors such as child abuse and worse. But, one anonymous parent recently wrote an online block that left many stunned when she declared:
“I am a mother of two, but I wish I was a mother of none. Yes, I preferred my life without kids. I preferred it so much that I wish I’d never had them.”
The mom then said that before folks started judging her, she wanted to make it clear that she absolutely loves her two boys with “all her heart.” She also added that she’s isn’t “depressed,” nor is she suffering from “any sort of mental health condition that makes me a danger of any sort.” Actually, she says with total honesty that her feelings are “quite simple and straightforward,” but it’s not something many parents would ever say aloud. She continued:
“I wish I didn’t have my two children because I think my life would be much better without them.”
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Why does she feel this way? Because she said that her life was better before having children. The mom explained:
“Before I had my two boys, my life was amazing. I absolutely adored my career and my husband and I were extremely happy together.
“We traveled, had an incredible social life, we were like some sort of rom-com montage of two people falling in love and living their best lives – but real.
“It wasn’t just a phase, we were like this for 10 years but then we decided to have children, and once our first child arrived, things changed and not for the better.”
At first, the couple was excited about the prospect of having kids, but she said that when her first son came into the world, “the reality just didn’t meet the expectation.”
Despite saying that she truly loved him and was such an “easy baby” to deal with, she “didn’t love anything” about motherhood.
“I wasn’t and couldn’t be who I had been before,” the mother writes.
However, despite the impression that she was “trapped and restricted” by being a mom, she and her husband still decided to have another child, their second son. But, she explained:
“We never wanted to have an only child for a variety of reasons, and although I had shared my feelings about motherhood with my husband, after discussing it, we thought maybe with a second child it would change.
“Needless to say, it didn’t.”
Feeling neither better nor worse after having her second child, the mom admits she continues to feel that she’s “lost her identity.”
“While none of these things are ‘gone’ completely, they are not how they once were – and how they once were is what I loved,” she writes.
She also used her job as an example, explaining:
“My career is now more of a job. While I still hold the same position, I am part-time and it means I just can’t fully invest the way I once had.”
The mom complained that her “social life is lacking” and how these days, everything is based around her children or friends who have kids.
Despite once again insisting that her kids are “truly loved,” the regretful mom admits that she doesn’t feel they are a part of her identity or how she wished her life to turn out.
She also wished to preempt those who would dismiss her as “selfish” for daring to share her feelings, claiming she’s gone from a “confident, capable woman with a zest for life, to one who is uninspired, frustrated and how desperately yearns for the life she once had before becoming a mother.”
In conclusion, she writes:
“If I knew how I would feel after having kids, I never would have had them because, trust me, this is not how I want to live my life.”
Is this something you think many women can relate to? Or is this just the whining of a selfish mom? Also, here is a video featuring an interesting and candid discussion about this topic.